Healing Your Inner Child
Our inner child represents our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers.
Children learn first about love and relationships from their interactions with their families. Therefore, many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from childhood wounds.
The first step in healing the inner child is to develop awareness of our patterns but also of our needs. We may need to ask ourselves questions like: what patterns and behaviors are enabling repetitive cycles in our lives? when was the last time we consciously communicated with our inner child and listened to how we truly feel? and what do we need in order to feel fulfillment and happiness within?
When we begin to understand ourselves and create awareness, then the magic of healing and transformation can occur.
According to author Lise Bourbeau, there is five emotional wounds during childhood that have the power to shape our personality. Consequently, affecting our behavior, interactions and attitude towards relationships.
Feeling rejected by a parent or peer can create a deep emotional wound for the child. It leaves the child feeling undesired, hopeless, worthless and undeserved of love, attention and understanding. These children look for perfection in everything they do as they believe if they make a mistake, they'll be judged and thus feeling rejected.
Children that may have been or have felt rejected grow up to be elusive as a way to hide their embarrassment. These individuals feel they can't be accepted for who they are and have a hard time making decisions. Often feeling anxious as they are looking for the approval of others.
The abandonment wound can be caused when a parent is emotional detached or when one of the parents has left the home. As a result, the child can grow up feeling empty, almost invisible and their emotions will translate as being ignored or punished at home.
These children have a need for attention as a way to feel important which requires for them to lean on someone for constant validation and support.
The child may lack confidence and struggle to make decisions as an adult. A fear of abandonment may reflect in the person's tendency to over give in relationships and a need to feel approved by others. This behavior in time evolves to developing a codependent personality.
Children who continuously experienced being criticized by their parents and were told they were bad, clumsy, heavy or other negative qualities often feel as not good enough. These children grow up with a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Therefore, having a hard time expressing their needs and feelings for fear of being humiliated and ashamed.
The humiliation wound may reflect in the person often blaming themselves for everything or even taking the blame for others in a situation. They feel the need to please or make others happy by taking care of others while disregarding their own needs and desires. This behavior tends to attract people or situations into their lives who will humiliate them.
A child feels betrayed when a promise was not fulfilled by a parent. This creates a fear of trusting others. Leaving the child with feelings of unworthiness. Mistrust can lead to the person closing off from others and creating walls around as a protective mechanism.
Children that experience a feeling of betrayal may grow up to be controlling people and with perfectionist tendencies. Having control gives the person a sense of security over a situation. They don't like to show vulnerability for fear of someone taking advantage of them and rather like to appear as being brave and strong to others.
The injustice wound occurs when a parent is unable to express their feelings and instead acts cold, strict, intolerant and critical towards the child. The child perceives this act as unjust and feels undeserving. These children feel they are unable to express their individuality and will cut themselves off from their feelings appearing to be cold and insensitive to others.
These children have a fear of making mistakes hence the tendency to be perfectionists in everything they do. They are very demanding of themselves and can feel angry and impatient easily. They seek justice and fairness above all so they have a hard time enjoying themselves without feeling guilty as in their mind they need to earn it first.
Common signs of childhood wounding :
Low Self-Esteem: This may cause feelings of shame and worthlessness. A person may believe they do not deserve happiness. If a person does not value themselves, they may try to get others to value them.
Co-dependency: May feel the only way to get the love or attention from the other person is to keep over-giving. They tend to put everyone else’s needs above their own and over time they develop a sense of resentment and emptiness. It's a one-sided relationship becoming emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
Poor Boundaries: Often feel responsible for others’ happiness. These people can have a hard time saying “no” or putting their own needs first. They may hide their true thoughts and feelings to avoid upsetting others.
A Need to “Save” Others: People may feel it is their duty to protect their loved ones from all harm. If a loved one does something wrong, they will likely try to fix the situation on loved one’s behalf. Such behavior can prevent others from becoming independent or learning from their mistakes. It may also enable abuse or addiction to persist unchallenged.
Self-Denial: A person that often prioritizes others’ well-being over their own. They may deny their own needs for rest, emotional support, and self-care. They may feel guilt or anxiety when asserting their own desires.
Perfectionism: Someone that often projects an image of self-reliance and competence. It is common for people to take on more responsibilities than they can handle. When they make an error or receive criticism, they may grow insecure.
Control Issues: A person may link their own self-worth to others’ well-being. If a loved one fails, they may feel as if they failed themselves. Their attempts to make others’ lives better may shift into controlling or possessive behavior.
How Coaching Can Help Heal Your Inner Child?
During coaching we will work to identify the root of what is triggering your childhood wounds. We'll be guiding you through different exercises in order to remove patterns, behaviors and blockages that have been embedded deep in your subconscious. Lastly, we will focus on cultivating positive changes back into your life and create an outline of personal goals that you will like to achieve.
Some key points we'll working on in order to heal your inner child:
Self-Love and Self-worth: Reconnect with your true self with love and acceptance and develop healthy self-esteem.
Setting Healthy Boundaries: Learn to communicate clearly your needs in relationships.
Honoring and Integrating Blocks and Fears: Practice compassionate awareness and understanding about certain blocks and fears.
Beliefs and Assumptions: Identify and clear away any limited beliefs, assumptions and patterns that are keeping you stuck in repetitive cycles.
Forgiveness and Surrender Process: Set yourself free and let go of past hurt in order to heal through the power of forgiveness and surrender.
Strengthening your Spiritual Connection: Cultivate spiritual practices in order to feel balanced and connected with God, universal energies or higher power.
Developing your Intuition: Make use of internal guidance to create awareness and discernment around life's choices.
Opening up to Greater abundance and Happiness: Use the power of law of attraction and visualization to manifest healthy relationships and abundance.
Reclaim your Power: Embody the qualities you have envisioned and start creating a more fulfilling life.
Do you find yourself often experiencing some kind of emotional outburst, frustration, anxiety, depression or negative emotions towards yourself or others? Have issues in relationships? Or perhaps you feel a need to please others? If that kind of repeating pattern sounds familiar, you don't have to feel stuck. Coaching can help you identify unhealthy patterns and behaviors and remove blockages in order to balance your needs and get your life back on track.
It's necessary to understand that the more we repress our painful memories the longer these wounds will continue to show up in our lives as forms of anger, shame, guilt and fear. By confronting our wounds and having compassion for ourselves we'll be able to start the healing process, and in time it will bring us greater inner peace, love and acceptance of who we truly are and those around us.
Once you start the healing process almost immediately you'll notice a shift not only in your relationships but also in other facets of your life. This shift occurs because you'll be feeling empowered to make decisions based on what you feel it's best for you versus what you think others need or want from you. As you start expressing your needs and emotions freely, everything around your life will change to a more positive outlook.
My ultimate goal is to help you gain greater understanding in how to let go of the pain and fear, and to release the wounds that you have been carrying around since childhood. And lastly, experiencing a total positive transformation in all areas of your life so you can create the life you have always wanted!